Yet Another "Smoking Gun" in Academic Corruption

We're tired of this shit. The "quick and dirty" on a New York Times article published today details how once again, critical research in the field of health is compromised by corporate funding. We're not saying that corporations shouldn't spend their big, tax-deductible dollars underwriting research meant to benefit the masses of society that they often utilize for profit. Still, isn't there something amiss with a cigarette conglomerate funding an organization or panel that is researching lung cancer?! While the article delves deeper than we will here, the bottom line is that a headlining researcher's conclusion that lung cancer can be more readily prevented through certain types of X-ray screening has been called into question.

1) Several other prominent people in the research field always questioned her findings since the same screening can lead to unnecessary surgery or procedures. 2) Turns out her research was funded by a foundation that was almost entirely funded itself by Ligget, a major cigarette maker. 3) The researcher in question stands to make a hefty profit as she already began gathering patents on certain types of machinery that would be used in these "preventative screenings." At the root of it all is the obvious point that when an industry funds research about itself or anything related to its product, (objective) research shows that the end result is compromised. Because this happens again and again in academia where most people don't venture, understand or have in any interest in, few recognize how it has anything to do with them. Everyone's too tired, distracted and entertained to connect the dots. All we know is that if certain "screenings" become part of the packaged deal with our healthcare and we have to cover it with a copay, we'd feel it then. Are we talking your language now mainstream America?

We KNEW IT! Here's a tip - keep ya money in ya pocket!

According to the Los Angeles Times, coffee giant, Starbucks has been ordered to pay back its baristas (coffee makers/cashiers) a truckload of tip money that was forcefully split with shift supervisors. In other words, when you dropped money in the tip jar, a good deal of it was going to managers and people who didn't serve customers rather than the baristas themselves. Time will tell if this ruling actually results in action, as (of course) Starbucks is appealing the San Diego court's decision. Unlike waiters in traditional restaurants who make less than minimum wage without tips, Starbucks baristas are paid above minimum wage in addition to their tips. Onyx Cranium isn't saying you shouldn't drop your change in the tip jar. But we don't. Sorry, you don't get our 35 cents simply because you handed out the amount that cash register told you to. This realization that the tips often don't end up in the pockets of the lowest paid employees that they were intended for just confirms our decision to save the tips for service that is above and beyond the basics.

Welfare for Wall Street

photo from Associated Press/Henry Ray Abrams

When your children one day ask what the hell this country was thinking, don't say we didn't warn you. In regards to The Fed's collusion in assisting J.P. Morgan with purchasing Bear Sterns Co., here's how the federal government would like to paint this shameless example of corporate welfare disguised as fiscal responsibility:

They're avoiding or at least curbing the beginning of a fiscal meltdown in the banking and finance industries.

Here's how Bear Sterns' shareholders (30% of its stock is owned by the firm's own white collar employees) are painting the bailout, uh we mean buy out:

The poor shareholders aren't being fairly compensated with the company being sold at such a low price ($2 per share) and many may lose their jobs.

Here's how Onyx Cranium sees it:

We are not happy to see people lose their jobs, but we do believe that in a RECESSION that often happens, so it is to be expected. The federal government is working OVERTIME through this deal (and much less publicized others) to save corporate America's ass while throwing middle and low-income tax-paying individuals a bone. Bear Sterns, numerous hedge funds and others in the securities and mortgages business were gambling just as much as people who took the risk that they'd be able to pay their adjustable rate mortgages. And please understand that it goes beyond the subprime market. These companies assume UNFATHOMABLE debt and bet on manipulating opportunities in the stock market to turn enough temporary profit to pay that debt back and then get more. And so how does the federal government behave under a Republican administration that touts letting "the market operate without interference"? Well, as usual, they completely excuse the rule when the money of rich people is at stake. And one can make it seem that it's about saving the entire economy and not panicking the global market (too late), but it's nothing more than old fashioned corporate welfare that will make J.P. Morgan Chase a shitload of dough. As if they needed more. Let's see what kind of RIDICULOUSLY low-interest loans the Fed is willing to give individuals who are struggling due to poor financial choices right now. Our guess: $0. But we could be wrong. (We're not though.)

Surprise Patrol! Penis Trumps Brain!!!!

Okay, this is an easy one. We don't understand why everyone's in a tizzy over New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's admission to being a client of expensive prostitutes. Here's our question: Would people be less outraged if he'd spent our tax dollars on women charging $15 for a B.J. and $30 for a full ride? No, we believe the American public would be even more upset and more disgusted. Onyx Cranium can just hear it now, "And to top it off, they weren't even classy hookers!"

When it comes to this rather common scandal, we'll allow that it receives some front page treatment because this is presidential primary season and politicians doing stupid shit fits in more with the narrowed coverage that passes for "news" these days. We'll even concede that his rather dumb decision to hire professionals without expecting to get caught in this day and age makes him deserving of photos such as the one we're using here. What Onyx Cranium can't deal with is the morality inspired shock of the American public. A man cheating on his wife should not supplant news about domestic and world events that quite frankly impact more people in a more substantial and devastating way. That sentiment aside, we think if they're going to continue to run this as front-page news (even though people care much more about what's going on with the Mayor of NYC than the Governor of New York state), here are some more time-tested headlines:

Man Cheats on Wife with Women Who are Good at Sex!

Politician's Wife Not Shocked by Cheating Husband Since She ALREADY KNEW!!!!!

Unattractive and Balding Middle Aged Man Uses Meaningless Sex to Feel Good!

Man in Power Uses Said Power to His Personal Advantage!

American Public Distracted by Politician's Bedroom Behavior while War, Famine, Unemployment and Corporate Welfare Continue to Escalate!

Modern Cynics Surprised that Man-on-Woman Adultery Gets Same Coverage as Man-on-Man Adultery! Hetero Cheaters Less Likely to Get Book Deal.

We're not saying Spitzer isn't "wrong" on a multitude of levels, but we'll save our shock for something truly surprising.

California Has a Redemptive Moment in Ousting Murderers for Hire

I was born and raised in Los Angeles and have always loved Cali-foreign-IA, shrinking black population and all! But sometimes, I worry. It's somewhat comforting that we're always a blue state among so many red ones. Yet we allow Enron's shady government hook-ups to confuse us into recalling Governor Greg Davis and replacing him with one of the dumbest sounding actors of all time (George W. Bush excluded - at least as an actor). We are at once progressive and regressive in a big way. Inglewood doesn't allow a Wal Mart into their hood, but then the Crenshaw District does so with relish. Basically, despite the cool weather and the beaches, it's hit or miss these days. Well, as Editor-in-Chief of Onyx Cranium, I salute a city known for enclaves of racial integration among a blatantly racist city landscape. That's right! I'm talkin' bout YOU San Diego! Democracy Now! reports that Blackwater USA, the company which colludes with Republicans and portrays itself as a supporter of the American military as it diverts funding from governmental armed forces, planned to build their West Coast headquarters in San Diego. But the citizens of the city said, "F**k That!" (not a direct quote) and this power hungry company that pays private citizens exorbitant fees for security detail in Iraq, while paying much less to mercenaries from developing countries, has to find somewhere else to build their Training Den of Dollars and Death. Now they may convince some nearby local California government to give them ridiculous subsidies to build just miles from San Diego, but for now, they ain't comin' here. Even if this has to be a short-lived celebration, Onyx Cranium will gladly take it. Oh and if you're wondering why we would call them murderers for hire instead of just security detail, it's because the company works tirelessly (and so far very successfully) to keep their contractors from facing any kind of prosecution or accountability by the U.S. government (meaning us taxpayers). You know - the government that pays a huge proportion their damn bills.