Surprise Patrol! Penis Trumps Brain!!!!

Okay, this is an easy one. We don't understand why everyone's in a tizzy over New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's admission to being a client of expensive prostitutes. Here's our question: Would people be less outraged if he'd spent our tax dollars on women charging $15 for a B.J. and $30 for a full ride? No, we believe the American public would be even more upset and more disgusted. Onyx Cranium can just hear it now, "And to top it off, they weren't even classy hookers!"

When it comes to this rather common scandal, we'll allow that it receives some front page treatment because this is presidential primary season and politicians doing stupid shit fits in more with the narrowed coverage that passes for "news" these days. We'll even concede that his rather dumb decision to hire professionals without expecting to get caught in this day and age makes him deserving of photos such as the one we're using here. What Onyx Cranium can't deal with is the morality inspired shock of the American public. A man cheating on his wife should not supplant news about domestic and world events that quite frankly impact more people in a more substantial and devastating way. That sentiment aside, we think if they're going to continue to run this as front-page news (even though people care much more about what's going on with the Mayor of NYC than the Governor of New York state), here are some more time-tested headlines:

Man Cheats on Wife with Women Who are Good at Sex!

Politician's Wife Not Shocked by Cheating Husband Since She ALREADY KNEW!!!!!

Unattractive and Balding Middle Aged Man Uses Meaningless Sex to Feel Good!

Man in Power Uses Said Power to His Personal Advantage!

American Public Distracted by Politician's Bedroom Behavior while War, Famine, Unemployment and Corporate Welfare Continue to Escalate!

Modern Cynics Surprised that Man-on-Woman Adultery Gets Same Coverage as Man-on-Man Adultery! Hetero Cheaters Less Likely to Get Book Deal.

We're not saying Spitzer isn't "wrong" on a multitude of levels, but we'll save our shock for something truly surprising.

Being Broke By Any Other Name....

The Los Angeles Times is reporting that UCLA calls the current and immediate future state of the American economy not great, but NOT a recession. Warren Buffett, a billionaire who is currently marketed more for his charity than his dependency on government subsidies, said weeks ago that the United States was already in a recession. Meanwhile the Bush administration (if you want to call it that), along with Congress, is allowing much more relief for mortgage companies than their endangered clients. They are unwilling to call the shrinking value of the American dollar (in America) among other economic and social indicators an official recession. Sort of like the hesitancy to call the Arab massacre of blacks in Dafur, Sudan a genocide. But not calling it that didn't change what it was and what it continues to be today. Such is the case with the American economy. More jobs at Jack N The Box taking the place of higher paying blue and white collar jobs is part of a country's receding status in real economic power. Though a recession involves more, people should be smart enough to ignore this political game of semantics. We owe too much. Spend too much. Save to little. And aren't making sure that enough of our children are smart enough to manage the future any differently. For those interested in long-term consequences of current actions, we're screwed. Unless you are well connected and/or well monied, it's going to get rough and it's going to get worse. If the majority of people are in a recession, then so is the rest of the country - charts and graphs be damned. Studying the economic power of the top 10% or 1% of Americans tells us very little. Even studying the economic situation of the 30+% of working age Americans that have a college degree tells a more limited story. The state of the non-college educated, working age individual is the true story of the majority of the country. THAT is where you look to find out what's really going on. Why? Because except for the 2004 presidential election, the story of the majority should rule.