Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Surprise Patrol! Penis Trumps Brain!!!!

Okay, this is an easy one. We don't understand why everyone's in a tizzy over New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's admission to being a client of expensive prostitutes. Here's our question: Would people be less outraged if he'd spent our tax dollars on women charging $15 for a B.J. and $30 for a full ride? No, we believe the American public would be even more upset and more disgusted. Onyx Cranium can just hear it now, "And to top it off, they weren't even classy hookers!"

When it comes to this rather common scandal, we'll allow that it receives some front page treatment because this is presidential primary season and politicians doing stupid shit fits in more with the narrowed coverage that passes for "news" these days. We'll even concede that his rather dumb decision to hire professionals without expecting to get caught in this day and age makes him deserving of photos such as the one we're using here. What Onyx Cranium can't deal with is the morality inspired shock of the American public. A man cheating on his wife should not supplant news about domestic and world events that quite frankly impact more people in a more substantial and devastating way. That sentiment aside, we think if they're going to continue to run this as front-page news (even though people care much more about what's going on with the Mayor of NYC than the Governor of New York state), here are some more time-tested headlines:

Man Cheats on Wife with Women Who are Good at Sex!

Politician's Wife Not Shocked by Cheating Husband Since She ALREADY KNEW!!!!!

Unattractive and Balding Middle Aged Man Uses Meaningless Sex to Feel Good!

Man in Power Uses Said Power to His Personal Advantage!

American Public Distracted by Politician's Bedroom Behavior while War, Famine, Unemployment and Corporate Welfare Continue to Escalate!

Modern Cynics Surprised that Man-on-Woman Adultery Gets Same Coverage as Man-on-Man Adultery! Hetero Cheaters Less Likely to Get Book Deal.

We're not saying Spitzer isn't "wrong" on a multitude of levels, but we'll save our shock for something truly surprising.

No comments: